Four years later

Nobody reads this besides me, and that's OK.

For about a year now, Kay and Joe have been gone. That was an odd exit. Their house has been sold and they have moved to be closer to their offspring, which is totally understandable. One thing which always discombobulated me was Kay's attitude toward me after my exit from St. Matthew’s. If a valued church member who volunteered everywhere (and gave a lot of money) suddenly left without much warning, it seems rational to expect a clergy person to come up with one (or more) responses:

• What happened here? Why are you going?
• Are you OK? Is there some personal tragedy driving this? Health? Finances?
• Are you angry? What set you off?
• Did someone in the church say something offensive? Do we need some sort of reconciliation?
• I didn't think you would take it that way. Let's see if we can heal the relationship.

None of that happened. The best summary of Kay’s attitude was “Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out.”

Then things got weird. After a couple of years had passed, she would come up to me (at the gym, mainly) and be all smiles and positivity. No hint of any split between us; no attempt at a reconciliation. It was all sweetness and light. I always sort of smiled and tried to edge my way out. I suspect that was all part of the gaslighting narcissim working its way out.

A couple of years have passed. The diocese (rather clumsily) attempted to push the idea of a Triad of Ashland, Mansfield, and Shelby joining to share two priests. It didn’t work.

1. Mansfield and Ashland lost their priests, and they knew that they would have to do something and do it quick. Shelby deludes themselves into thinking that Daniel will be there more or less forever, half his pay supplied by the Food Pantry.
2. Ashland and Mansfield are very welcoming to LGBTQI+ people; Shelby still thinks gay people do not belong in church leadership. The new priest is gay.
3. The focus of St. Mark’s is very SHELBY. They are not at all thrilled by the Episcopal denomination; they are much more focused on things such as Shelby Salvation Army and the local Catholic church. If it is not Shelby, it’s outsiders.
4. The same holy dozen have been sitting in the pews for years, so they assume they can keep going indefinitely.

Looking back, it was pretty inevitable that Mansfield and Ashland would join together and Shelby would stay aloof. Shelby has no sense of need and has a raging independence.

I know some things they do not know. I know that Daniel will not be funded by the Food Pantry after December 2026. I know that of the dozen regulars, only two families are currently employed; all the rest are retired. These people (including me) are old. I know that the Masonic Lodge approach (“To be one, ask one”) of anonymous checks to good causes does not grow the church. I know that St. Mark’s does not offer anything particularly unique to Shelby—there is really no good reason for it to survive.

I also know that my reasons for going to Shelby were all related to a need to escape Kay Ashby. She is gone now. I honestly believe that the Shelby church has about 24 months to go. I know that I want a church where I can be out and where I can feel like I am not stuck in a small Bible study group. I keep looking for a trigger event, but more likely the church will simply erode away.