More about the church blog

 Today, it's official: the blog is up and running, and officially accepted. I didn't expect that—thought it would be seen as some sort of rebellion or something. But no, it's all smiles and congratulations from several people who really count. Now let's see if it works.

And the blog

So the church website is still live, though the information is very outdated (and some of it was wrong in the first place). Daniel seems to think that maintaining it is his responsibility, though he does not know the passwords and does not have the equipment or expertise. There is, however, a button to take readers to the church blog, and I can do things with that. So I did. Fixed a few old issues about incorrect links, got a cheery theme, and put together three user-friendly posts. Ran the thing by Dale Traven and Melissa Phillips. (They loved it.) Dale said I should run it by Daniel, so I did.

The reaction was a very cold non-approval. I'm writing this on Saturday evening, and Daniel wants to have a talk about it this coming week. I really expect he will tell me to take it down because:

• Daniel didn't write those items
• Nothing went through a Vestry committee (and probably each entry will need that process)
• And the unspoken idea that it's OK to reach out to people who are very far away from Shelby (Tanzania or Nicaragua), but we're quite uncomfortable with asking locals to visit.

July 4, 2026

 Just a couple of weeks ago, I walked in the Pride Parade with St. Matthew's and Grace Episcopal; Fr. Hofer generously took pictures that really highlighted me and posted them online. I'm waiting for the Shelby blow-back.

Still no real thinking about keeping the parish rolling. They are very Shelby, participating enthusiastically in Bicycle Days, etc., but no effort whatsoever to either grow the parish or to ensure their survival. (I notice as I write this that it's all "they" not "us.") What can happen? For a very low-impact beginning, at least do something about the website and let me start writing a blog again. There really are some visitors from time to time.

For deeper stuff, consider answers to some serious questions:

• What have we got that the neighbor churches don't have? (One possibility is "welcome to LGBTQI+ people," but that would absolutely lose two or three members. It's what is saving both Grace and Ashland, though, and it's part of the ECUSA (which probably explains why Shelby isn't too thrilled with the ECUSA.)
• Old Spokes is a tremendous asset, but the church does nothing to capitalize on it.
• All that Champion Fund money is anonymous (or nearly so). The checks vanish into a void. Ditto for the Ignited ministry. We send out the money, but we never invite those people to become part of us.

We need to answer some very basic questions: "Why should I come to this church rather than one of the others?" "Why should I come to church at all?" 

Note: In the past and in many Baptist churches, growth came from the Sunday School. Parents wanted some sort of moral upbringing for their kids and the Baptist church was very willing to bring them in by bus and do a program. Then the kids wanted their parents to come to Christmas pageants, etc. And then the parents ended up in the church. And, not to be discounted, when a 12-year-old kid falls in love with the church, there's a possibility that in ten years he will want to be there with a spouse and his own kids. St. Mark's Shelby won't cooperate with other Episcopal churches that way because they aren't in Shelby. Much better to send kids to the local Catholic church, so in effect, we are feeding the local Catholic parish. 

Four years later

Nobody reads this besides me, and that's OK.

For about a year now, Kay and Joe have been gone. That was an odd exit. Their house has been sold and they have moved to be closer to their offspring, which is totally understandable. One thing which always discombobulated me was Kay's attitude toward me after my exit from St. Matthew’s. If a valued church member who volunteered everywhere (and gave a lot of money) suddenly left without much warning, it seems rational to expect a clergy person to come up with one (or more) responses:

• What happened here? Why are you going?
• Are you OK? Is there some personal tragedy driving this? Health? Finances?
• Are you angry? What set you off?
• Did someone in the church say something offensive? Do we need some sort of reconciliation?
• I didn't think you would take it that way. Let's see if we can heal the relationship.

None of that happened. The best summary of Kay’s attitude was “Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out.”

Then things got weird. After a couple of years had passed, she would come up to me (at the gym, mainly) and be all smiles and positivity. No hint of any split between us; no attempt at a reconciliation. It was all sweetness and light. I always sort of smiled and tried to edge my way out. I suspect that was all part of the gaslighting narcissim working its way out.

A couple of years have passed. The diocese (rather clumsily) attempted to push the idea of a Triad of Ashland, Mansfield, and Shelby joining to share two priests. It didn’t work.

1. Mansfield and Ashland lost their priests, and they knew that they would have to do something and do it quick. Shelby deludes themselves into thinking that Daniel will be there more or less forever, half his pay supplied by the Food Pantry.
2. Ashland and Mansfield are very welcoming to LGBTQI+ people; Shelby still thinks gay people do not belong in church leadership. The new priest is gay.
3. The focus of St. Mark’s is very SHELBY. They are not at all thrilled by the Episcopal denomination; they are much more focused on things such as Shelby Salvation Army and the local Catholic church. If it is not Shelby, it’s outsiders.
4. The same holy dozen have been sitting in the pews for years, so they assume they can keep going indefinitely.

Looking back, it was pretty inevitable that Mansfield and Ashland would join together and Shelby would stay aloof. Shelby has no sense of need and has a raging independence.

I know some things they do not know. I know that Daniel will not be funded by the Food Pantry after December 2026. I know that of the dozen regulars, only two families are currently employed; all the rest are retired. These people (including me) are old. I know that the Masonic Lodge approach (“To be one, ask one”) of anonymous checks to good causes does not grow the church. I know that St. Mark’s does not offer anything particularly unique to Shelby—there is really no good reason for it to survive.

I also know that my reasons for going to Shelby were all related to a need to escape Kay Ashby. She is gone now. I honestly believe that the Shelby church has about 24 months to go. I know that I want a church where I can be out and where I can feel like I am not stuck in a small Bible study group. I keep looking for a trigger event, but more likely the church will simply erode away.